


Too lost (and hurting)

by lxghtwoodsbow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus actually says 'I love you', Post 3x04, Protective Magnus Bane, Sad Alec, Sleep Deprivation, alec needs sleep, and is about to break down, and is super stressed, at all, being open with feelings, i havent slept, instead of 'I love you too', just them being adorable, magnus is super supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 16:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14312361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxghtwoodsbow/pseuds/lxghtwoodsbow
Summary: "For a moment, Alec sat with his head in his hands, as Magnus wrapped his arms around his shoulders. It was deafeningly silent, the only sound being the shaking breaths of the sleep-deprived Nephilim."Or, Alec is tired and stressed, and Magnus tries to convince him to look after himself





	Too lost (and hurting)

**Author's Note:**

> It's light outside and I haven't slept. I instead wrote this. It's terrible, I apologise.
> 
> The title is taken from the song "Someone to Stay" by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

Magnus couldn't remember the last time Alec had gotten a full nights sleep. Each evening, he was home past midnight and left before dawn. And even after the shadowhunter traipsed through the door, he would stay up searching Magnus' books, looking for something - anything - on the Owl.

But tonight, Alec had reached breaking point. Magnus could tell from the moment his boyfriend entered the apartment. His face was tired, black bags cupping his hazel eyes, exhaustion plastering his features. With a weak greeting, Alec closed the door, not even managing a smile. Before he had even had time to remove his jacket, Magnus had sprung to his feet, immediately concerned.

"Oh, Alexander." He sighed, running the back of his hand gently over the shadowhunter's cheek, before softly taking both of Alec's calloused hands and leading him towards the couch. 

For a moment, Alec sat with his head in his hands, as Magnus wrapped his arms around his shoulders. It was deafeningly silent, the only sound being the shaking breaths of the sleep-deprived Nephilim. 

Suddenly, as if regaining his shielded stature, he sat up straight, letting Magnus' arms fall off of his shoulders. "I, um, I have to look at some more books and call Aline and-"  
"Alec!" Magnus stopped him abruptly, shocking him to silence. Sighing, he cupped his boyfriend's cheeks, letting the tips of his ringed fingers caress Alec's hair. "Alexander," he spoke gently now, "you need to sleep. You're exhausted. I'm worried about you. Please, I know you're stressed about Jace, and the Owl, but you need to look after yourself." 

Alec closed his eyes for a moment, but opened his mouth to protest, before Magnus again cut him off. "Yes, I know, you have a job to do. But I love you, and you're not okay, so I'm not okay. I'll never be okay when you're hurting. Because it hurts me. So, please, just- You need stop blaming yourself and rest." 

Slowly, Alec raised a hand and placed it over one of Magnus' that was still cupping his face. 

It was rare that Alec showed his true feelings to anyone. To be honest, Magnus had seen more of his raw emotions than anyone, except perhaps Jace, who came a close second. Emotions cloud judgement, the motto he had been forced to live his life by. And it had almost destroyed him. Because now, after weeks of putting himself through immense emotional stress, Alec was on the verge of breaking down.

And finally, upon hearing those words, he broke. 

Magnus wanted so badly to help him. It was typical Alec to blame himself for every problem in their lives. It agonized him to watch his boyfriend self-destruct, and there was nothing he could do. Magnus cared. Perhaps too much. It was his weakness. And his strength. Truth was, he cared more about Alexander's happiness than his own. 

"Mags, I-" His facade shattered, feeling his eyes prick with tears as he felt the warlock pull him into his chest. Alec bit his lip, stifling a sob. He wouldn't cry. He couldn't. So he let Magnus hold him until he could finally exhale, breathing relief. 

"Alexander, please, you need to sleep. After several centuries, I have come to believe that caring for yourself is not self-indulgent. Caring for yourself is an act of survival. Now," Magnus took his hands again, both of them climbing to their feet. "I'm going to call Isabelle. They will have to live without you tomorrow."


End file.
